I DIDN'T PROOFREAD OKAY???

On Valentine's Day, my mom called to tell me that my brother tried to kill himself. My 12 year old little brother. My day started with opening up facebook and seeing that he had posted a status saying, "If there is anyone that likes me please say some thing i have been lonely and im getting beet up and know one seems to care. ):" Oh, if I could only count the ways that this is heartbreaking.

Naturally, I, like the rest of my family, responded with words of encouragement.

But how can I help? And how much of this is my responsibility? Admittedly, I have been relatively absent from familial relations since graduating from high school, going to college, and moving to Portland. I graduated high school in 2006, Trystin was not yet six. I don't need to discuss the immense difference between the ages of six and 12. My other younger siblings who were then four, five, and ten years old have also done a lot of growing up since I was away, and I've missed almost all of it. Now that I have enough money to go home to visit somewhat frequently (about once a year), I am realizing how absent good role models are from their lives. My family is in a shitty state.

My mom, though funny as hell, is not making choices that will better her life or her children's. Just last year, she decided to leave the shitbag she married, rented a U-Haul, loaded it up, and took off with her kids to Colorado, all while he was at work, mind you. A week later she returned. She's still addicted to more than one prescription medication, and her once beautiful house is turning to garbage. The inside smells like cat pee, and the grass, apple trees, and grape vines are all dead. There's even a tree in the yard with a pretty sizable branch torn off, probably from having kids hanging on it. The torn off branch is also in the yard.

The kids are all so big. Jordin is literally big; he's gotten fat, apparently from eating too many hamburgers and such. The last time I saw him, he was a regular skinny kid. Sarah is in middle school now. She was doing well in school last year, but her grades are apparently dropping. I learned that when my mom told me what a bad job she's doing while we were all in the room together. And Miyja is 16. She's beautiful and a cheerleader or something. She's super popular, has had lots of boyfriends, and seems to have a pretty "successful" social life. Oh good. The last three times I've visited, Trystin was quiet. He's been medicated for ADD or ADHD or something for a long time now, and I know that it makes him sluggish. I always hug him when I first get there, but then he just sits somewhere and plays Angry Birds or something. Once, maybe two years ago, we were all in my sister Tabby's house together. I went out onto her porch to sit and breathe, and Trystin came up to me and simply asked, "Love troubles?" So sweet. No, Trystin, not love troubles. But thanks for checking.

And now, how can a 12 year old be so unhappy? How can my mother have let it come to this? How is she going to try to help him? How can I MAKE her act? I can't move there. I can't live there. I can't take over her children and make them happy with my brains and my success. But I CAN. I literally can do that. But I won't. What CAN I really do? Rather, what WILL I do?

foam

i was just thinking about that keg o' foam joke that inspired such hilarity after one of our house parties at the court castle, and i thought of a new one: foambusters, and i didn't want it to go to waste

Home again, home again, yiggity-yig.

Dear Jason

Hi everyone,

As you may or may not know, Brian (Alexander) and I got a dog, Jason, a while back. As you probably don't know, we had to put Jason down last Saturday. I've been really sad (obvi), and I wanted to write some things down...and then I remembered our blog! If you'll permit me...

Dear Jason,

I miss you. Things I miss:
- watching The Simpsons with you
- sneak-stretch
- being quiet when I roll over in the morning so you don't think it's time to go for a walk
- when you yawn when you wake up
- trying to make you snuggle me
- letting you sleep on the bed
- when you wiggle your whole body when I get home
- when you lick my face/when I immediately wipe it off afterward
- lying in the sun with you
- watching you be inappropriate with other dogs at the dog park
- helping you into the car
- seeing your little doggy face in the rear view mirror
- leaving the door open when I go to the bathroom to make sure you're not getting into trouble
- when you follow me around the house
- when you drool when you're waiting for your food
- feeding you
- playing with you
- petting you
- walking you
- talking to you
- catching your vomit
- saying goodnight to you
- saying goodnight to you a second time on my way back from the bathroom
- your eyebrows
- the way you smell
- cleaning your eye goop
- when you woof at people who are too loud
- when you sleep-woof
- singing songs and putting your name in them

I wish you would be a ghost and come visit me. It's lonely without you. Your dad put all of your toys up in the closet. I secretly wish that one of them would fall down from the shelf so I know you're here. I don't like walking anymore because it is inferior to walking with you. On my way home from work on Monday, I started crying in the hallway, and your dad had to come out to get me. You would greet me at the door, and I would say hi to you first, your dad second. The other night when I was setting my alarm before bed, I started crying because I didn't have to account for the time it would take to walk you in the morning. How do I start my day? I then realized that during the seven months we had you, I spent more time with you than with anyone else. I don't ever want another dog because I know it will be inferior to you. I love you, and I hope you come back as a ghost doggy to keep me company.

Love,
Mom

Things My Dad Talks about on the Phone

• Lawn, growth of
• Lawn, mowing of
• Bicycling, plans for
• Bicycling, friends' injuries sustained during
• Pritty Kitty, weight of
• Pritty Kitty, dietary changes for
• iPad, frustrations with

today, i actually saw a chicken cross the road
who knows why she did it.

Going to Madison

So in a week or so I will be driving from Wilson through Wyoming, South Dakota, Iowa, Minnesota, and arriving in Madison, Wisconsin. I'll definitely be stopping in Deadwood, SD! Don't even worry! My question to you is: you know any other places between Wyoming and Wisconsin that I should see on my drive?