Not Natural

Hey Guys, time to blog about not being in Salem again. So, lately I've been really connecting with this idea that we as humans have very natural, primal and ancient parts of ourselves that we, and our culture, often suppress. I'm sure we're all familiar with the argument that humans have "fallen out" of nature and feel instead we can conquer it etc. Well, I'm talking more about our inner psyches not necessarily our connection to things green. We are an ancient species, and the urban/modern lifestyles we experience in this day has existed for only one tiny miniscule percent of our entire existence. This history has left something ancient in our evolution. With my immersion into business school, I have become acutely aware of this ancient woman-being inside of me. During this semester at times when I had so much school work that I did not have time to breathe, an emotional force came out from inside of me. It manifested in tears and trembling, feelings of isolation and being lost, and an overall confusion "from where do these feelings come? is it me?" It was the feeling that I am sure in history past has led people to seek exorcisms.

On the day of my last exam, when everyone was at the Aquarium and the weather was beautiful, I found a book of C.G. Jung's nature writings. On one of the intro pages I read some along the lines of: "If the natural and ancient psyche of a person is suppressed and ignored, it can revolt... at time suicidally." It all made sense to me then. Those emotions, those strong feelings that felt as thought they would burst from my chest were my ancient woman-being starved for attention. I suddenly understood why I had become so deeply invested in dance this past semester and why at times I felt a force from inside, myself but not, starved for something.

Having become more aware of this part of myself, I was able to understand my feelings when I was first boarding my plane home to New Orleans yesterday. I suddenly felt sad, separated, insecure, and unsure. I think that it is not natural for people to be subjected to switching between worlds so quickly. Getting on a plane and flying from my life in Salem to a past life in New Orleans got my ancient woman-being's panties in a twist. And it's cool now. Now that I know she's there and what her deal is I don't feel so afraid or confused when I don't understand my emotions, I just know they're from her.