I DIDN'T PROOFREAD OKAY???

On Valentine's Day, my mom called to tell me that my brother tried to kill himself. My 12 year old little brother. My day started with opening up facebook and seeing that he had posted a status saying, "If there is anyone that likes me please say some thing i have been lonely and im getting beet up and know one seems to care. ):" Oh, if I could only count the ways that this is heartbreaking.

Naturally, I, like the rest of my family, responded with words of encouragement.

But how can I help? And how much of this is my responsibility? Admittedly, I have been relatively absent from familial relations since graduating from high school, going to college, and moving to Portland. I graduated high school in 2006, Trystin was not yet six. I don't need to discuss the immense difference between the ages of six and 12. My other younger siblings who were then four, five, and ten years old have also done a lot of growing up since I was away, and I've missed almost all of it. Now that I have enough money to go home to visit somewhat frequently (about once a year), I am realizing how absent good role models are from their lives. My family is in a shitty state.

My mom, though funny as hell, is not making choices that will better her life or her children's. Just last year, she decided to leave the shitbag she married, rented a U-Haul, loaded it up, and took off with her kids to Colorado, all while he was at work, mind you. A week later she returned. She's still addicted to more than one prescription medication, and her once beautiful house is turning to garbage. The inside smells like cat pee, and the grass, apple trees, and grape vines are all dead. There's even a tree in the yard with a pretty sizable branch torn off, probably from having kids hanging on it. The torn off branch is also in the yard.

The kids are all so big. Jordin is literally big; he's gotten fat, apparently from eating too many hamburgers and such. The last time I saw him, he was a regular skinny kid. Sarah is in middle school now. She was doing well in school last year, but her grades are apparently dropping. I learned that when my mom told me what a bad job she's doing while we were all in the room together. And Miyja is 16. She's beautiful and a cheerleader or something. She's super popular, has had lots of boyfriends, and seems to have a pretty "successful" social life. Oh good. The last three times I've visited, Trystin was quiet. He's been medicated for ADD or ADHD or something for a long time now, and I know that it makes him sluggish. I always hug him when I first get there, but then he just sits somewhere and plays Angry Birds or something. Once, maybe two years ago, we were all in my sister Tabby's house together. I went out onto her porch to sit and breathe, and Trystin came up to me and simply asked, "Love troubles?" So sweet. No, Trystin, not love troubles. But thanks for checking.

And now, how can a 12 year old be so unhappy? How can my mother have let it come to this? How is she going to try to help him? How can I MAKE her act? I can't move there. I can't live there. I can't take over her children and make them happy with my brains and my success. But I CAN. I literally can do that. But I won't. What CAN I really do? Rather, what WILL I do?